Jokes, you would not resist laughing at -Part 2

1) The Interview:


An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job
opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.


He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.


Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:


"What is the fastest thing you know of?"


Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,


"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."


"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!


It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."


"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye
... that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.


"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house
and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch,
way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than
an instant.


TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer
and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.


Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed the same question.


It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."


"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.


"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.


"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.


But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already s**t in my pants!"


HE GOT THE JOB.................






2) Why We Split-Up:



She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit
drinking.


Then I caught her spending:
a.. Rs.650.00 on make-up,
b.. Rs.1500 for a cut & color,
c.. Rs.300 for a manicure,
d.. Rs.400 for a pedicure,
e.. Rs.500 on vitamins,
f.. Rs.3000 on clothes
g.. and Rs.6000 for a gym membership.


I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she
needed it to look pretty for me.


I told her that was what the beer was for.


I don't think she's coming back.






3) Girl talk:



A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"