Friday, December 19, 2008

Lost Love- A Final Twist

Who can forget the devastation caused by heavy rains in the city of Mumbai on 26th July 2005 ? The mood around me was tensed .It was my last day in my company and I was supposed to move to chennai to join a new company two days later.I had already made arrangement to send most of my essential good to Chennai.People were trying to look out for little available options to reach their home safely. She also was seen very tensed for she came from Vashi to our office at Andheri. I personally disliked her as she was one grade ahead of me and i always thought that I was better employee than her. She was in to Marketing and I was in to sales and obviously there is always a natural split between the thought process of the two departments. I was tensed too for i did not own a car or a two wheeler but commuted through Auto. Luckily My house was just 4 kms from the office and hence i decided to stay at office in case if the rain did not stop. I waited waited till 7 PM, there was no signs of relief from the anger of big blue sky. By this time, people started leaving office one by one.Some were ready to stay at office and some were ready to find nearest friend home for the night stay.


The UPS would feed powerto the system for another half an hour or so.. I had just left to the backdoor for some smoke when i heard a voice from behind.. "Rocky. Is that you." I turned back to see her standing with her handbag pretty confused and tensed. I nodded to her and then moved ahead for billies( smoking).I was already irritated since the rain had spoiled my send off party too. when I returned to the door , i still found standing next to the door. Now she walked up to me and asked me if i can help her reach her home. I just rudely replied her to seek help from her marketing team who had already left to their home , walked straight to my seat .
Internally i was quite satisfied that i was finally able to take on her rudely atleast on my last day in that office....but then my subconscious also warned me of my misbehaviour. I got up from my seat ..walked up to the back door , she was still standing there. I offered her to drop her home in her car. She did not heed .She was angry over my behaviour. I told her sorry.


In the car...
I thought she would avoid sitting next to me in the front but she did that. I drove the car through muddy roads just praying inside that i should make her reach home safely. She was asking me details of my new job at Chennai. I replied her rudley asking her to allow me drive the car . All through the way , i could see her gazing at me. I tried to avoid eye contact with her.We were stuck up in most of the place due to traffic and it actualy took us around 3 and 1/2 hours to reach vashi finally. Her house was now just few minutes away . I was quite relieved from tension , for i had finally managed to drop her saftely. I stopped the car before the gate. She wanted me to come inside her house and relish myself. She introduced me to her Dad and Mom , from her conversation it was evident that i was not new in their home and she had always discussed about me in her home. I had my cup of tea and was ready to move out. Her Dad offered me to stay there till next day . I denied the same gently and moved out to the gate to go to one of my friend's home which was just 15 minutes walk away distance from her home.She ran behind me and handed over to me a card and asked me to see it once i reach my home without fail. I once again nodded my head and made a move towards my friend's home.


I stayed in my friend's room till the next evening and then as the trains had started the services , i took a train to Andheri . On 28th , I finished packing my goods , my flight was about to depart in next 2 and 1/2 hour. It happened that i just saw that green cover which she had asked me to open. As usual , my ego did not allow me to give values to her words. I just packed it in my suitcae and flew back to Chennai to start my career as Asst Manager in one of the best Telcom companies of India. I was settled confortably at Chennai and even had a bright chance of getting an promotion.


It was 26th July 2006 , I had just returned from office and laid on the sofa watching NDTV. There was a small news caption on " Mumbai -under rains last year" . I went back to relish those memories of Mumbai during rain when suddenly i remembered about some thing. Yes , that green cover . I was now curious to see what was in that cover. I searched for the same and found it after 20 minutes. I went back to my bed and opened the cover. There was a small card inside it. I opened it and was quite surprised to see what was written in side.



"Rocky ..do not leave me alone and Go..I will miss you badly ...


With luv...urs..._____"


For the first time i felt that I missed her badly...yes badly ...but it was too late for me to react.. :(

World's best jokes

1)

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


2)

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.


3)

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”


4)
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“


Funny incident at School

It was Annual day in my school. I was in 11 grade then. We were supposed to do some event for the annual day. we decided to enact the gambling scene of Mahabharatha. One of my friend Raju was selected to play the role of Draupadhi.We had more than 10 rehearsals before we actually enacted the play in front of whole good audience crowd.

It must be around 3PM on the annual day , it was announced that the next show would ours. My classmates clapped before even the screen was lifted. There stood my friend Raju dressed as Draupadi. Raju was too witty a guy and was well known in the school for his short but sharp timingly comment.The play went of well , until the scene of undressing saree of Draupadi came. My friend Raju was dressed up with two three sarees so that Saree pulling scene can be enacted properly.

In the play...

Yudistar had lost the game with Kauravas and Dhuriyodhana asked his brother to pull the saree of Draupadi in from of the court members. Now the Dushasana character was played by another friend of mine, Gopi. Now Gopi was too fat for that character and he started pulling the saree of Raju so vigourously that he ended up removing 2-3 sarees at a stretch and there was my friend raju standing in front of the audience with a Khaaki pant and white shirt. Wow imagine Draupadi in Khaki pants. The whole crowd was in laughter. Raju just cooly said " Oh Lord krishna ..Thank u for showing me so much kindness that u have actually converted me to a male in front of this courtiers.
That was it , there was roaring of laughter and then people stood up and clapped to appreciate his timely comment.

That was a wonderful moment in my life.

Lost Race

It was bright sunny day today morning. I had to get up little early to attend a sales meet at Marina Towers hotel . Egmore, Chennai. I was bit sleepy since I had slept late the last night. Thanks to GTA - Vice City , the pc game that made millions around the world to go mad.I got ready by 7:45 AM and took out my bike -Yamaha -G5 and Zooooommmm I was there over the road that takes me to RAM nagar , Madipakkam . Now about my bike - My G5 is black coloured bike that I had bought sometimes last year April. The roads in my locality had already ensured that My Black Machine lost its charm. There are no spots in my bike that does not make noise today and my bike actually starts to dance if u cross 50 km/hr speed limit . Talking about the suspension... Wow it has a gr8 suspension that u might get ur Back bone broken if u ride it for sometime.

Now back to the incident .. i would have just touched the road connecting to Ram Nagar , i saw some Tvs scooty...moving ahead of me with a big vroooom... I was in a different mood altogher today and hence wanted to show off my self on the road. I just watched at the rider of that scooty, there was a stout gril in pink Churidhar and college bag hanging from her back . Now my ego was hurt .. how can a women take a lead of me on the road.... I raised my Throttle knowing that my black machine would definitely not go beyond certain speed.... there she was some 15-20 mtrs ahead of me.. i could hear my inner voice taunting me to take up a race... I raised the throttle ... aiming to take a lead of her ... In 5 - 7 minutes , i was seen ahead of her... yes she was very good in riding her scooty but she seemed to be bad at turning ... just a few furlong before the road joined me to Velachery... i over took her scooty.. With a complete satisfication of taking a lead i reached the joining point of velachary Main road only to realise that she had actually considered the race and was actually few metres behind me.. I raised my throttle more... only to find that she has already moved ahead of me.. now i felt very pissed off ... girl giving me a tough fight on road.. I could hear two inner voice , one asking me to relax and drive and the other taunting me to take up the race...


As the saying goes ...sometimes u need to cheat to win... i took a shorter route that connects me to 100 ft bypass road at velachery and in few minutes saw my self riding comfortably before her... Oh God only i knew .. how i kept my balance on the bike... it was shaking over in all possible direction... I did not realise that I have taken a panga with some strong girl..she would have been irked by my cunning short cut idea now. she was not ready to accept her defeat and was on high speed in the most conjusted area of Velachery... I was almost now praying to GOD that my bike should not topple down on the road because i felt that my bike was already out of control... i slowed down a bit to stop my bike dance on the road... In minute i found her scooty vrrrooooming ahead of me .. I raised my throttle hoping to cheat her some where on the road... but she had taken this race so seriously that in few minutes... i lost the trace of her on the road...I realised that I have lost the race already... I knew that I could not make the race because of my bike .. i could hear the echoes of my parents voices... "Rocky U need to take care of ur bike... it is in bad shape...get it serviced "
What ever may the reason be.. one cannot forgo the fact that I lost a race to a girl ..a college girl who must be some 4-5 years younger to me...and for the matter of fact ... I cannot disclose this to any of my friend but yes.. she would have definitely commented about me and my disgraceful defeat with her friends but then... this incident atleast made an impact that I decided to leave my bike at Castrol Bikezone for a service which I had denied for past one year..

That does not end here... I am plannig to start my day tomorrow also early hoping to see her on road once again..

Backstabbing

Can you imagine someone who is very close to you, actually let u down and back stab you.. I had this bitter experience today. I am a team leader in one of the biggest Telecom companies of India. As a person I am not so greatly experienced but my previous experience made me to behave in such a manner to my juniors that they are always comfortable with me.



It was June 18th 2006, I had just taken charge of being a Team leader I was purely a Data guy before. Being a TL in Technical department of which I had no knowledge was a Herculean task to me. But then what is life without challenge. For the first time in my life I would be learning about configurations, channel allocations of the Techie world. I just happened to notice a guy who walked up to me shyly telling that he has been asked to report in to me. His name was Vel I came to know that this guy from a village is actually a BE Graduate. I noticed him for few days. He was very timid and very soft in nature. I knew for the fact that he had talents that no one had in my team. He was just uncomfortable in communicating and speaking in English was a real night mare for him. Day rolled off .I became comfortable with the entire team. By this time I was able to take complete control of the entire process involved in my dept.



I do not know why I felt I should bring out the talent of Vel. Yes the same way my boss had brought out my talents some years ago. I started watching Vel's work keenly. I found that though he was hard worker, but his skills were getting wasted in a small time job. In mid of Oct 2006, I got a chance to move him to a section where he would be able to prove himself. I handed over him the most difficult part of the work handled by my team. At first, Vel could not catch up with the work. But as days went off, I saw a new person emerging out of him. Yes a confident person named Vel was literally visible to everyone. That was not I aimed for... I wanted him to be 100% efficient for which he needed a strong communication skill. Though I had a soft way of teaching the language, I chose the hard way of making him learn English. I started teasing him and his fluency in English. That must have kindled the fire in him; I saw a major turn around with him in few days. He had started to buy newspaper in his room to learn English. Soon he was able to communicate properly in English.



By mid of Jan 2007, I once again felt the need to making him learn new thing which would help him decide a career in future. Vel had no knowledge in Excel but I wanted him to excel in Excel too. I made him to handle one the most difficult task of Report generation that involved various excel skill. He learnt it too. By March, Vel had become one the most unavoidable person in the team who can handle any job in the sections.



But as old saying goes, "People tend to get head weight, once they become strong in some qualities." came true in Vel's life. Vel started taking leave often and behaved in such a way that he knew everything. A guy who was struggling to tell his name previously often argued with me on petty things in life. Though I was disturbed during such act of him, I generally did not take action against him as he was my boy.



It was 6 o clocks in the morning when I woke up today morning. As usual, after I took bed coffee, when I heard the message tone of my mobile. I read the message and it said



"Thank you for your help ", I am going to Delhi today and I have got a new job there."..Vel



He was correct in his vocabulary usage this time but the way he put forwarded the message was completely unethical.



I am not worried while writing this , since I have learnt one new thing in life yes I have learnt what is back stabbing !

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Marriage Jokes - Before and After

1)

Before Marriage:


I was walking over the hills along with my lady love . She wanted to visit that temple at the top of the hill and we were walking bare foot from the base of the hill.We were about to reach the top ,when she just stopped , I turned back to see her in tears and she was trying to pull out a thorn from her feet. I was angered and shouted at thorn "why the heck did you come on the way of my lady love"

After Marriage :

I was walking over the hills along with my wife (then lady love). She wanted to visit that temple at the top of the hill.We were walking with bare foot, when suddenly she stopped. I turned back to see her once again in tears and she was trying to pull out the thorn exactly like she had done before. This time I turned back to her and shouted " why the heck cann't you see the road and walk "





2)

Before Marriage , I was a bachelor and after marriage my wife became my master.





3)

Before Marriage , I told her "I will give you my life for your love" and after marriage , I begged her "Please spare my life"





4)

I could not sleep for too long , I got up from the bed , it was 2 AM and I went up to kitchen . I do not know what happened , I was there on the chair weeping like a baby. That sound would have woken up my wife , she walked up to me and asked me

Wife : " Darling , why r u in tears".

Me: " Honey , do you remember the day i was caught by your dad in your house kissing you"

Wife : "Yes indeed"

Me: " Do you remember , he had threatened me to either marry you or spent jail term for 10 years"

Wife: " Yes ofcourse dear"

Me: Had i taken the second option of being in jail , i would have got freed by now.


Who told Marriage does not change lives......?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Twist of fate .. A love story

I just woke up when the conductor said that we have reached Tanjore It was already 7:30 PM in the night and I had to rush to the Marriage Hall where my best friend Arun was to get married in next 15 hours time . Arun and I were Childhood friends and I was quite happy to see my buddy getting married.

I took an Rickshaw and reached the Bhavani Marriage hall by 8 PM , I was welcomed by Arun's Parents as they knew me very well. I had one special reason to be happy, Yes I was about to discuss about Anjali with Arun. Arun knew that I have never looked at girls from my childhood and I was sure that he would be happy if he comes to know I am falling for a girl whom I met some days ago. I reached Groom's room in the marriage Hall and Arun was very happy to see me , since I had told him earlier that it was quite doubtful for me to attend his marriage. Arun took me to downstairs for Dinner , The dinner was quite good. We finished our dinner and were just about to go the groom's room when I remembered to ask Arun about the bride. I had not seen the Bride yet and nor did Arun had sent me her photo over the mail. It was then when Arun pointed towards someone who was coming out of the Bride's room and when I turned I could see someone in blue saree. The face cuts looked very familiar to me and when I went closer to Bride's room, I was shell shocked. You would not believe that it was none other than Anjali , the same girl whom I was referring before. my looks became serious. Who would not get shocked to see his dream girl getting married to his own best friend. I quietly moved in to the groom's room and laid by side of other friend who were occupying
Arun's room. I could feel tears rolling out of my eyes as my thoughts Went backwards.
It must have been some 12 months back; I was at Taj that day to Attend a conference meeting and I bumped in to Anjali by mistake. She stared at me .From the looks I could judge that she was pretty Much irritated by me. She must have come for some official conference Like me. Later when I was about to leave for my home, I noticed Her standing in the reception pretty much tensed, I offered to help Her. I approached her and asked her what was her problem and she Replied me rude. I was taken back but I asked her once more with a Smile and she told that her car went flat and was waiting for taxi. I Offered her a drop which she accepted and while driving we had a Lengthy talks with her. She must have changed her perceptions about Me and started speaking to me as if she knows me for a long time. I Dropped her at Andheri and that was not all we bumped in to each Other for couple of times. I do not know from where I drew so much Courage that one fine day I disclosed my feeling for that. I thought She would either accept it or would pounce on me like a hungry Tigress. I was quite surprised as none of these things happened , instead she challenged me for a bet. The bet was to avoid seeing Each other for next 1 year and in case if I still fall for her, she Would reciprocate. I accepted the same with heavy heart but then one Has to sacrifice something to win girl's heart right...
With this I came back to sense and I could not sleep, I turned sides Many times but could not sleep. I wanted to go out for a smoke. I Strolled down the road side. It must be around 2 AM now I was still Unfinished with my puffs. My heart was heavy. I felt guilty and Wanted to leave that place immediately. How strange it was that fate Was playing dirty with me. Huh...why did I see her time and again and Why I Fell for her. She could have either accepted or rejected my Love for her ... why is that she challenged for a bet and now why is That she is standing before as my friend's brides. All these questions were unanswered. I walked back to Arun's room. I did not realize When I slept, when I woke, it was already 7 AM and Arun was already Down stairs on the marriage stage. I quickly got ready and was about To get seated in the hall when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked Back ... There she was standing right behind me with smile. For one Moment I was cursing myself for falling for a girl who was not even Bothered about me or my feeling. I felt like an insect. It was highly Emotional moment in my life. I was just about to wish her happy Married life when she interrupted me and said me “Rocky ... I told You ... if we our affection is true, God would unite us... See God has sent you from Mumbai only to meet me in your friend's Marriage...I love you Rocky I was literally confused... I stammered ...but Anjali... were you not supposed to get married to Arun for she burst in to laughter... she laughed .. until some one came out of Bride's room.. Anjali continued.... there you see Rocky... the girl in Red Pattu saree , she is the bride Shweta and I am her cousin. By that time Arun had come up , when he saw me , Anjali and shweta .. he burst in to laughter .. I was wandering why he was laughing ..It was only after that I came to know that Anjali had seen my picture with Arun in his room sometimes after the engagement and they have all planned for playing this prank on me and this was a punishment given to me by Arun for not disclosing about my love.. I also burst in to laughter ... for I had learnt what is meant by Twist of fate.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

My first love - Jenny

I was just 4 years old when Jenny was born next door. Being a small child , I was very happy to have her next door. It took me 2-3 weeks for me to get to next door and see Jenny..Wow she was born with a silver spoon...she was pretty enough and had very cute looks.I soon became Jenny's best friend. I used to return from my school and would directly go next door to play with Jenny. Jenny was my world that time. I disliked playing with others or watching cartoon.As time went , Jenny grew up and so did I.She was 4 years now and i was 8 years old. My school timings had changed by then because of which i had little time for my special friend. By that time i was mature enough to take her along with me for a short walk in Garden . I used to discuss the happenings of day , about my teachers and friends. She being my best companion used to hear me patiently as if she understood what ever i told.

Things went up well until one fine day when my dad returned home to give me the shock of my life...yes he got transferred to Mumbai .The very thought that I will miss my Jenny ,made me feel very uneasy. I did not want to move to Mumbai but then some how i had to go along with my parents. I felt lost in the world .I did not eat properly for many days.My dad promised me to take to our old town to see Jenny.but that never happened. As days went ahead , I started slowly to come out of the thought of Jenny. My love for her never changed as such and i had always a dream to go myself and see her once.

My dream came true when i was in X. As a part of project submission. I was asked to go for an inhouse training in any one of the Telecom companies. Luckily , I got my project work at a small time Telecom company located in the Town where I did my initial schooling. I was thrilled by the thought that I could now go and see my Jenny. My love for her had never changed. She would have got new friend out there but i always had a strong feeling that she too loves me.Finally the day had arrived , I was standing just outside my neighbours house waiting to see Jenny. I rang the Bell, Aunty Sheela opened the door and was taken back by my surprise visit. We spoke for few minutes , my eyes were looking for someone else. Yes , searching around for Jenny.Not withstanding the curiosity , I finally asked Sheela aunt about Jenny..She broke in to tears and told that Jenny had passed away last year.
For sometime I did not realise that I was in tears. Jenny was gone and I was also gone out of control.I weeped like small baby Old memories of me running behind Jenny ,playing wiht her came in to my mind.I was not even lucky to see her during her end days... Jenny was gone so was my first Love too....

Who told love is only between humans...I too loved my Jenny , Jenny a pomeranian dog....

The Day I met a beautiful girl.

I had got up from the bed only to realise that I had to attend Annual Meeting of the company at Le-royal Meridian at Guindy. The mood around me was gloomy.I was feeling bored to attend the meeting as I still had a little bit of hang over left in me. After few minutes of freshnening up , I took my Honda civic , only to be jammed in the road traffic that too very near to Le Royal Meridian at Kathipaara junction. For those guys who do not know about Kathipaara junction in chennai , it is a junction that connects various outskirts of Chennai with the Main city.
Anyways , lets come back to the point. I had to wait for around 30 minutes at Kathipaara Junction. Finally when I got inside the Conference hall it was already late ( may be around 10:20 AM). The annual meeting started off well . It was lunch time , I just had finished praying to GOD for giving me few minutes of rest from the crappy discussions of the meeting.



It just happened that I got to notice a very fine looking girl sitting opposite to my table at Lunch . She must have come for meeting of some other company that was being held in the next conference hall.Now I was holding an high position in an Telecom company ,you never know how you behave when u get to see a nice pretty girl that too if you are young unmarried chap. Well , I too was now attracted to her and was sure that she must be unmarried too. The annual meeting which seemed boring to me now seemed to be lucky oppurtunity to me. I was waiting for the meeting to end and my mind was thinking about that beautiful girl all through the meeting. Finally the meeting got over . I was not willing to move from that place hoping to see her once again . I made up mind and went towards my car when i noticed that girl standing next to her car with some tensions on her face. From her look i could guess that she had some problems in her car. I stopped my car next to her and asked her
if could help her. She bluntly replied me in negative and I was about to steer my car away, when she came towards me and asked for a lift.



In the car,she sat next to me. I was thanking GOD for his kindness showered on me for she was that pretty a girl. She broke the silence by introducing herself .I pretended as if i was least interested in knowing her whereabouts. Things went on well. but then who would like to leave golden oppurtunity, I too wanted to make use of this wonderful oppurtunity that GOd had given me. We started discussing about likes and dislikes of each other and were pretty astonished on finding that we were exactly opposite to each other in nature. I had just crossed the Velachery bypass road by that time , when she asked me to stop at a turning.Gazing at her , i tried steering the car left when suddenly i realised something had gone wrong. I had applied the brake while accelerating at highspeed that my car was moving sidewards towards a wall .Before I could do something , Thud came the sound I fell down crying for help...




when I opened my eyes ,I saw that I was surrounded by my parents and sister and they were gazing at me as if they were seeing me for the first time. I must have been in an hospital.



It just happened that i remembered about that pretty girl. I wanted to know about her state. I leaned upwards to ask someone about her when i suddenly realised I was not lying on a bed.I was little bit confused and when i came in to sense ,People around
were already laughing at me..



Who will not laugh when someone falls from the bed half alseep ! When i realised it , I too laughed like hell for I was sure no one knew about my dream . I got up for I was already late to my office , yes the same telecom company where I worked as a clerk.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Jokes, you would not resist laughing at -Part 2



1) The Interview:


An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job
opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.


He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.


Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the
interviewer asked:


"What is the fastest thing you know of?"


Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied,


"A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the
way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."


"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And now you sir?" he asked the second man.
"Hmm....let me see. A blink!


It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever
happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."


"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye
... that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.


"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house
and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch,
way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than
an instant.


TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer
and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of
light" he said.


Turning to the fourth and final man, the interviewer
posed the same question.


It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is
DIARRHEA."


"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.


"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man.


"You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good and I ran
for the bathroom.


But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already s**t in my pants!"


HE GOT THE JOB.................






2) Why We Split-Up:



She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit
drinking.


Then I caught her spending:
a.. Rs.650.00 on make-up,
b.. Rs.1500 for a cut & color,
c.. Rs.300 for a manicure,
d.. Rs.400 for a pedicure,
e.. Rs.500 on vitamins,
f.. Rs.3000 on clothes
g.. and Rs.6000 for a gym membership.


I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her. She said she
needed it to look pretty for me.


I told her that was what the beer was for.


I don't think she's coming back.






3) Girl talk:



A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."


The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"